Last weekend, my husband and I were in Chicago to attend a good friend's daughter's wedding (so beautiful) and also visit our son, Jake. (That is Jacques to you, mon amie.) After all the festivities, we met up with our son, who is doing a summer internship with a company who helps larger companies complete all the paperwork for work visas to bring foreign employees over for short jobs. He gets to do a lot of translating as he is pretty good in languages. We had breakfast with him, then got ready to drive back home to cozy Roanoke. But first we needed to take a quick stroll through Neiman Marcus, of course.
I had not stepped two feet into the store when my eyes laid hold of the..........most .......beautiful....thing......I ....have....ever......seen. Besidesbabiesandsunsetsandpuppiesandstuff. A light blue--the softest, most pristine blue--snake skin Chanel bag in the classic shape, with the perfect amount of Swaroski crystals on it and tiny, looping chains placed ever so delicately in the exact right spots which only the Kaiser or Madame herself would know where to deem appropriate. This handbag was such a work of art that I swear I think I lost all concept of space and time and went straight to it as if in a trance. Like Odysseus and the Sirens. I was doomed. My Neiman Marcus charge card was the rocks onto which I was to be dashed. I went into the Chanel section and shakily asked permission to see it. The overly dressed man with the fake tan and the orange-yellow hair badly in need of a root touch up, looked me up and down over his readers to see if I passed muster, and then unlocked the case.
"Oh my gosh, I have never seen a purse this beautiful. This is such a work of art," I stammered, breaking into a sweat.
"Beautiful, isn't it? " he smiled. Crest white strips would be good here. I did not like this guy.
"Let me just ask. How much is this?" I pitifully asked. Knowing darn well that he knows if I had to ask....well, you know the rest.
"$17, 000.00," he yawned, pulling it out of my deadlocked grasp and locking it back up before I made a run for it down Michigan Avenue all the way back to Roanoke.
$17,000.00? Oh, I wish I had seen this before I had bought my last Birkin. Perhaps I would have bought this instead," I lied. I have never owned a Birkin, but I do know what they are and how much they cost.
"Yes, I am sure you do," he said. Somehow, I do not think he believed me. I believed me. I thought I was very convincing.
What to Eat When You are Coveting A $17,000.00 Chanel Bag
6 Idaho potatoes, peeled and boiled
1/2 c. Plugra butter
1/8 c. hot milk or cream
lots of salt and pepper
Run your potatoes through a ricer or beat carefully and fast with a beater. Add the butter and the milk or cream. Add lots of salt and pepper to taste. Don't whip too much or you will get whipped potatoes. Drizzle top with caviar. Eat hot and think about the bag and how it could be hanging over the arm of your chair while you are eating this meal. Now make a donation to charity and do good for the world. If you are broke, go help your elderly neighbor with her a few errands or chores. It is still okay to think about this gorgeous purse while you change her cat litter, bien sur.